Woohoo! Man did I score, baby! And I am sooo excited. The story is a little unbelievable, but I swear it’s true. Really. There are even eye witnesses to back up my claims. It is indeed a small world, and apparently, the parties involved in this tale made the rounds around town before I stumbled upon them. Anyways, I am getting a little ahead of myself. So, back to the beginning of the story.
A couple of weeks ago, I was lackadaisically driving through town, singing to the radio, windows down, music up, when I saw something that made me hit the brakes. Standing outside a dog grooming shop, with “Free” signs taped to them, were 2 naked people. Yup, you heard me right. Naked. Nude. Without clothing. Au’ natural. Goodies hanging out for all the town folk to see. It was magical!
Naturally, I did what any normal person would do, I loaded the naked man and woman up into the back of my truck (I didn’t want them messing up my seats), drove them home, and took them straight to my garden. Once in the garden, I found a place for the lovely couple to rest, grabbed my phone, snapped a pic, and immediately texted my gardening girls.
“Look what I found today!”
That’s right, I had found a couple of nude sculptures and I was absolutely obsessed. Did you actually think I meant REAL naked people? 😉
When I saw the sexy metallic pair, I wasn’t sure if they were coat racks, or mannequins, but I knew they would make great sculptures for the garden. They were sturdy, made of metal, and easily staked into the ground with U-shaped stakes.
At first sight, I knew the sculptures would make excellent trellis’ and originally planned to grow green beans up them. However, after reading the clever text suggestions of my gardening girls, a new dream began to unfold. As the wise Kirsten pointed out, skinny green beans would be rather insulting to the male ego. There had to be vegetables or flowers that would be much better representations of the human form, and boy was there.
For the lovely lady, I planted ‘Sugar’ pumpkins that I will train up her curves to form 2 beautiful sugar tits. As a back drop, ‘Love Lies Bleeding’ amaranth, was planted to form a shawl across her back as it rambles upwards. Sweet peas and Moon flowers were added to the middle of the planting and have already began to wrap themselves up her long legs. As a final, womanly touch, ‘Scarlet’ flax was planted all around the base of her feet, and later this summer it should look as though she is standing in a pool of red.
For Mr. Stud Man, a rather generous and beefy ‘Black Beauty’ zucchini was planted front and center. I have a feeling its going to be ‘hard’ to walk by this guy mid-July without thinking of dirty comments. Up his back, I am training ‘Jack Be Little’ pumpkins, which I am hoping will look just like his precious family jewels. A warty gourd would have been a better choice, but the seed starts were eaten by slugs. The pumpkins should be the perfect sized second choice.
The naked duo makes a bold statement, gives garden visitors something salacious to chat about, and adds a dollop of personality to an otherwise humdrum vegetable garden. Is this art for everybody? Nope. But it IS for me and that is what art is all about. Finding pieces that speak to you and make you feel a certain ‘something’. As for me, this art was right up my rather sexy ally, and I am seriously looking forward to hosting a naughty garden party later this summer. By then, the sculptures will hopefully have filled in and come to life, so to speak.
Until then, I will enjoy the view and continue to be on the look out for any other free treasures on the side of the road. Try adding a little personality to your own garden this year, it just may be the spice your landscape needs. Happy junk finding!